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The Reason I Keep Coming Back to Shalom …..an interview with Ken Frank

February 11th, 2013

Ken Frank

 

An interview with Ken Frank

By John Bottone

J: What inspired me to do this interview with you for Mountain Matters was something I overheard you say to someone in the kitchen at the Men’s Gathering .  What I overheard you say was “The reason I keep  coming back here is …” and I never heard the rest.  I must have been on my way to organize something, but I did have the thought “Oh, what a great article for Mountain Matters!”

K:  Interestingly, what comes up when I don’t try to remember what I said is that my life has been so transformed by my Shalom experience, and getting to be more me, more fulfilled, that I just see it happening over and over again whenever I go, even when it’s a lot of hard work.  The experience is of being in touch with that transformation; being more honest with myself, as well as with everyone around me.  I get to be more of who I really am because I don’t have to be anyone but who I honestly am, since there’s nobody I’m trying to please.  I just am appreciated for my own particular uniqueness; and that is probably the strongest draw that Shalom has had over the, at this point, I guess its 36 years.

J:  What would you say is the thing about Shalom that makes that possible?

K:  The bottom line is the Skills and Principles of Loving.

J: What about them make it possible?  What do they create, or what do they do that allows that kind of transformation into who we are possible?  Because I think you really hit a very essential experience that does happen there, and something  goes on that supports that or makes it move in that direction.

K:  What’s behind the Principles and Skills is the recognition that we want to love and be loved, and in doing that it is important that we don’t put on any pretenses, that we not withhold parts of ourselves. That comes through so clearly in a Shalom Retreat and it sets the tone and background and whole environment for the connections we make when we’re at Shalom.

J:  So, say more about the essential experience for you up there, and I’m also curious if it’s the same  when you come there  to cook, as it is to train, or do any other Retreats.

K:  Yeah … there’s two parts to that … one when you said ‘say more’ and the other when you said when you come to cook or anything else.

Once I learned to be in that environment, once I learned what it had to offer, it was no longer a function of what particular issues I was dealing with, or anybody else was dealing with, or whether we were doing an Easter celebration, or a Shalom Retreat or a Men’s Gathering or a men and women coming together, or whatever.  That openness, that intimacy and that trust that I would be treated openly and warmly regardless of what I was experiencing, regardless of who I was, was a big piece for me.  By having good will to everyone, and not having to agree with them to intend them good will, I found I could love people who I didn’t like.  That was very big for me – that I could suspend my judgment, and just stay open, see who someone was, and I found even when I didn’t like somebody, I could love them. I could honor their individuality, and the more I could do that with someone else, the more I trusted that they could do that with me.  When a place is like that, its home.  Sometimes it’s more home than the place I normally think of as home.

J: Yeah, that’s right.

K:  And after a few years of going, I used to think I had to go the Mountain to find that environment, and then I began to learn I could recreate that environment back where I lived, and I didn’t have to travel that far.  I got friends to come with me, and they understood.  Before you know it, I had a group of guys that would meet every week; in fact, we’re still meeting after over 30 years.  We meet every month.  We went through a couple of years of seeing each other once or twice a year, and decided we wanted to get back to seeing each other more regularly.  That’s been precious … and came out of that open, warm, loving atmosphere I discovered at Shalom.

J:  I remember one of my first experiences of you, Ken, was meeting at a Men’s Retreat led by Jerry, and you had come with a number of men from your men’s group, and I saw you as this actualized leader of men, and I felt like such a newbie in this arena of men’s work.  I’m very grateful to you for being such an inspiration to me at that time.

K:  Thank you.

J:  How would say Shalom Mountain has changed in the 30+ years you’ve been going?  In other words, every leadership group has its own personality that it brings.  They have their own interests, they have their own focus, they have their own way of seeing the world.  I’m wondering if you could describe your experience of how that changed from when Jerry and Elizabeth were there, and then there was the triangle days with Jerry, Be and Georgeanne, and then there was Joy and Lawrence.  Shawn, Victoria and Terry weren’t really leading; they were the owners with a group of leaders that took responsibility for leadership.

K:  Over time, and when Jerry first took it over, it felt like we had a Big Daddy running the place and even if you didn’t consider him the guy who knew everything, he was the leader and had a very paternal approach to running the place, and it was a family kind of structure, centered on the father.

When Joy and Lawrence took over, they said, it’s not going to be that way anymore; we’re going to both share the leadership role, and share making decisions.  They were saying  each one of us had a part in it and became very clear over time that they needed to develop a leadership structure with other leaders taking responsibility, as well as people in the community taking responsibility for themselves. It was very quickly that they enrolled Judy and I, not necessarily in a very conscious way, in saying  ‘we all have a responsibility for this place’ because it is creating so much benefit for us, but it’s a big thing, and it’s so big, we all need to do our part.  In that way, the community shifted.  We didn’t just go up there to get the benefits and just be parented, but rather, went up there to help build and enrich the place.

The transition with Terry, Shawn and Victoria, in a way, that’s what they were trying  to do.  They were trying to take on just their part, whatever they could contribute, and they did it in a way that was filled with a lot of trauma for them and for everybody else until enough of us got it together to say “we just have to buy the place” and then automatically everybody has to take a role.  And with the grace of God, that seems to be happening at this point.

J:  I remember meeting Lawrence for the first time.  I was faced with a big decision, because Jerry went off and started Timshel, and at that time he was talking about leading retreats there, more on the mystical journey as opposed to the psychological journey.  I was torn between following him, or staying with what I knew and loved here at Shalom.  A lot of it depended on my experience of Lawrence and Joy, who I had not met.

I remember I was standing in front of the music cabinet in the Shalom Room and Lawrence walked in.  Without a word spoken, I sensed “Oh, he’s a brother”, and that he is going to offer things that Jerry didn’t.  You spoke of them very clearly: much more inclusive, much more ‘let’s do this together’ and that’s what attracted to my staying at Shalom.  I had a sense there was a different place for me here; one I can grow into.  They offered leadership training programs and things like that which were what I wanted for myself, even if I didn’t know it at the time.

K:  One of my favorite stories was when Judy and I were going through some difficulties in our relationship, and we wanted to get some help so we went to talk to Joy to see if she could help us.  This was before we started doing couples work.  I started telling Joy what was going on, and Judy chimed in, and Joy looked at us and said, “you guys do that too?” and we just knew we were in the right place.  They had something to offer us because they struggle with the same stuff we struggled with, and they opened up their journey, so that we could travel along with them, and it made such a profound difference, and it felt so good.

J:  And also Jerry was involved in exploring alternative relationships and stuff like that.  In my view, that was always fascinating, and opened me up to my own provincial life in some ways, but it wasn’t something I connected to for myself, whereas Joy and Lawrence were bringing a more traditional couple experiences, which I think was a big shift for Shalom, and especially for couples.

K:  Very much so. In expanding that whole experience within Shalom, Joy and Lawrence started opening up to other people leading , and leading in areas where they had particular skills because of their own journey.  Things opened up in myriad ways, like you and LJ looking at gender issues, work on Tantra was being done, and Body Sacred was created for those people that wanted to explore deeper issues of sexuality without necessarily being part of a couple’s relationship.  That kind of expansiveness happened as the whole concept of leadership and responsibility was being expanded.

J:  How would you describe it now, as opposed to then? What’s changed, or what’s different or what’s shifted?  What is your sense of where Shalom Mountain is headed?

K:  Well, I think one of the most special things that has happened with Shalom Mountain, is that everyone who comes in, adores the leader they started with, but as soon as you’ve been there for a while, you get an understanding that there are a lot of good leaders.  It’s not just all in one person or one couple, and in fact you’ve got a whole bunch of really capable leaders.  So it’s not dependent on one person.  It doesn’t feel like a house of cards in that way that if THE leader disappears, what do we do then?  And that feels so good, it feels more secure than it’s ever felt, and I think it’s one of the biggest differences now than it was 20 years ago.

J:  Yes. Now there’s a very large experienced leadership base in place.

K:  With a depth of commitment.  The fact that we’ve been able to buy the Mountain, to pay the mortgage, to continue to raise money for the important things, it just feels like so much of a secure place.

J:  So, where would you like this all to go?  What is your hope and vision?

K:  My big dream is that as my grandkids grow up, they too will not only go to Shalom Mountain saying  “Oh, I love it there because I can do all the things I want to do and nobody’s on top of me to stop me”, but they will have the opportunity to deal with their emotional, psychological and spiritual issues in the same way that their parents have, and their grandparents have.

I just see the place as a wonderful catalyst for my children’s children’s children going into the future and continuing that way.  Not just an opportunity to do Shalom Retreats, but for the beautiful physical space that’s up there.  There is plenty of room to grow and have plenty of woods, and plenty of fields, and plenty of sunshine and moonrise  and stars that have made the place so precious to me over the years.

J:  Well, it’s starting to happen!  On this last retreat the children of the parents that were on retreat with me are starting to come.  So, it’s definitely happening!

K:  Yeah, the young adult community is so close and so emotionally tied together, it’s sweet to watch.  And they treasure what Shalom has brought into their lives.  And that’s just the kind of thing that will nurture the core values.

J:  And when you think about it, that’s not something that has ever happened, where a group of young adults grew up in the Shalom experience, and got to know each other.  It will be very interesting to see how that matures, because it’s never happened before.

K:  Right. It hasn’t been around long enough for a teenager to grow into an adult, and it’s wondrous.

J:  Oh, my God – what did you start?  I can see these young adults getting married and having Shalom children!

K:  Oh, my God – imagine Shalom Children.

J:  Shalom children of Shalom parents and Shalom grandparents.

So, thank you Ken for just sharing your experiences and profound vision of this place.  It is clear to me that your deep love of Shalom has carried it well for all these years.

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Change Your Story, Change Your Name?

February 7th, 2013

Lily Wolf Solomon

 

By Lily Wolf Solomon

“If I could, I’d turn everything on its head. Start the wheel again. Grow another hope. Maybe another childhood. I’d take everything I learned and make myself a whole new ‘Me’, starting from scratch. And I’d be free.”

I just want you to know that everything you want is possible. A year ago, I was there. Everything felt like it was at a dead end and I wished I could start over. Too much stuff had accumulated in my enormous sack of psychic baggage. I checked myself into the hospital when things got to a low, and though I’d started to recover, I didn’t know what it was to thrive. Everything was a struggle, one step forward and two back. I longed for a life where I could be free from it all, one where I might actually get a chance to be what I dreamed I might have been. But how? Too much life had happened.

I felt imprisoned by my experiences of disappointment, heartbreak, betrayal. I felt so misunderstood. I was imprisoned by a life story that told me what wasn’t possible, what I couldn’t be, and one thing after another seemed to tell me I wasn’t worthy of love. I had internalized so much shame and my body was full of poison. Given the cards I was handed, what was the point?

One day in October I found an energy healer named Jon Terrell. Something felt right about it, and after my first session with him, something in me was excited about life again: I could see the beautiful blue sky with a possibility that I’d long forgotten. Addictions that I had taken on to fill my yearning for love and meaning started to fall away. Jon suggested I come to a place called Shalom Mountain, where he led retreats, where the healing power of love could dissolve our old stories and help us create new ones. I was skeptical. I had tried every sort of healing I could find, and though these modalities taught me something about myself, none of them touched the deep blocks inside me. I was still the same struggling me. It was the same old stuff, it was coping, and I was tired of it.

Maybe this was some sort of cult. Maybe Jon just wanted to make a buck. But something deeper in me told me to go for it. I almost sabotaged myself on the day of the retreat but I got there. I walked through the door and there was Jon, with a smile and a hug that told me he actually cared that I was there, and others welcomed me in a similar way. Even the first night, my heart beat faster; I knew something big was happening.

I probably slept three hours over those four days. I tossed and turned. I groaned and curled into a ball. I felt too-big energies and poisons inside of me coming to the surface and I wished I could regurgitate them like a physical sickness. And then, I was so excited by the love I felt in this place. Normally I would crash, on so little sleep and with such unconscious stuff coming to the surface, but I was running on the energy of loving and being loved.

The retreat changed everything for me. For maybe 10 years, I would dissociate a lot. I’d be talking, and a certain subject would come into the flow of thought that I couldn’t face, and I’d just go blank, forget everything. I’d hit a negative emotion and get stuck there for what felt like eternity. It happened all the time.

What happened on that retreat was sacred: indeed, the power of being held in loving community dissolved years of deep pain that I could never have confronted on my own. Working with Jon on the retreat, I felt deep joy and pain and sadness and laughter and bliss and the wonder of it all; it was all jumbled together, agonizing tears turning to joyful laughter from millisecond to millisecond. It was all there, my deepest joy tied up in my deepest pain. I hit the places I couldn’t face, and for a split second, I blanked out. I lost all sense of self and felt what I could only call God. Then I touched a core, something irrevocably alive in me, and I emerged as a wild and passionate animal howling at the sky. My Shalom community walked outside with me to howl and celebrate life. I had never felt so me. Everything I’d ever wanted was right there. I was born in that threshold.

For the first time in years I knew what it was like to flow from joy to sadness to anger in a healthy way, just experiencing life as it unfolded. I wasn’t afraid to go to those dark places anymore. I knew what it was to trust my body, to move authentically, to speak my authentic voice. I knew how to honour myself, to hold clear boundaries. My stories about how I’d been betrayed somehow shifted, and I found myself talking about these experiences very differently.  When Jon told me Shalom retreats would change our story, I had no idea he meant it literally. I actually felt some love and understanding for those who had hurt me, and I was able to stand my ground, knowing maybe for the first time that I did not deserve that hurt. Dissociation may take years to heal in therapy, but I felt that, and years of other issues, practically healed in one weekend.

Before the retreat I had felt some resentment around every significant relationship in my life. I wasn’t as close to anyone as I wanted to be and I didn’t know how to make new friends. Thanks to my first retreat, I started taking risks with friendships, asking a friend I’d known for years if it would be all righti f I said “I love you.” I opened my heart to friends who felt distant, who I wished would be closer. I told them that, I was vulnerable, and they opened up to me in return. When a friend who had hurt me, who I didn’t think I’d be able to talk to again, contacted me after the retreat, there was only forgiveness there. Love, even. I’ve even taken her to a couple of Shalom retreats! And then, when one friend acted in ways that were not all right with me, and I knew nothing but drama could come from taking it further, I found myself suddenly ending a friendship of seven years. I shocked myself. This wasn’t like me. Suddenly my priority wasn’t to suffer through a dysfunctional friendship but to care for myself. I was living a new story.

Every retreat for me has come with the miracle of changing more and more of my old story into a beatuiful new one. Every retreat was exactly what I needed to be, and often, what I never imagined it could be.

On my second retreat, I started to accept my own weirdness, and came to terms with the fact that so much of what I thought was my own story actually belonged to my family.

On my third retreat, it was about feeling trapped in the box of caring what other people think. Boxes that said a boy couldn’t wear a skirt, to name just one. I felt that something was wrong with me for even bringing such issues to a Shalom retreat. How superficial, wanting to wear a skirt! Surely there were bigger things… And yet, somehow, it was huge for me: such psychic energy was trapped in this prohibition. I felt such shame even admitting to this. There was no way I could see myself wearing what I wanted without being flooded with shame. Even one negative comment and I might have wanted to hurt myself. And yet, just a few months later, I was dancing in a skirt, without a thought as to what anyone else might think. “It’s amazing how well you wear that skirt!” someone told me. I told her how much shame I had around it just a few months before. “I don’t see any shame at all. You’re in your power!” Shalom changes even the most unchangeable stories.

Being able to express myself in new ways, I felt more creative, more playful, and new worlds were opening up to me. I started to realize that, in so many ways, I feel more like a girl than a boy. I went to the Gender Outlaws retreat, though before Shalom, I never would have imagined that I fit in that category. Being so loved and so accepted just opened something up for me. I wore all sorts of crazy and colorful clothing, skirts, eyeliner. On that retreat I learned not to be so afraid of intimacy and play. I wrote a letter to someone I wanted to be more intimate with — which I was scared to death of doing before this retreat — and got a positive response! Shalom has taught me that life can be so much easier if I simply ask for what I need; and that it’s surprising how often I get it.

A couple months ago, I asked some friends to gather for a naming ceremony, since I wanted to live into a new name, Lily. Though I look like a boy, all my friends now call me Lily. No one has questioned it. They tell me it’s so much more me, that I seem much more settled in myself as Lily, growing into new parts of myself. I would tense up when I heard my old name, with all the old stories attached to it; but I relax and feel little bursts of love when I hear someone call me Lily. I even identify as female and don’t feel shame around it — I don’t have to be trapped in the boxes of what other people think! Lily is my new story. Not only do Shalom retreats change your story, sometimes, if you let them, they can actually change your name. Careful, now.

As much as I’ve said here, I’ve only scratched the surface. That’s why I’m working on a spiritual memoir. The center of it is how this place called Shalom Mountain changed my life.

Part of what made me reach out just now is what you said about childhood. I feel so lucky because these retreats have given me an opportunity I never thought I’d have, to learn how to be human, how to be really alive in the world, how to take in love and brush off hatred… the sort of thing I thought I’d never learn because it should have come with the unconditional love I didn’t get as a child. And I thought by now it was too late. The world hasn’t been kind to any of us! But somehow, it’s as though I’m slowly reprogramming my childhood, and I’m actually learning what it would have been like if I did get that nurturing and love as a child… my life is becoming as though I had.

I am living a whole new me, my friend. I feel like I can start from scratch, rewriting all those old stories about who I am and who I’m capable of being. I am free. I am loved. I am becoming more me all the time. Those old stories still come up, but they don’t rule me anymore. I am so grateful to have found a place where I can be exactly who I am and be utterly loved for it. I’m so grateful I can carry what I’ve learned at Shalom forward into every aspect of my life. I’m so grateful to be able to write new stories about myself and who I can be every day.

Whether or not you decide to come to this place that has become a home to me, remember: you are not your old story, and you *can* live into a new one. You can be more you than you ever imagined.

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Self-Love

November 13th, 2012

 

By Francesca Moscatelli

Dealing with our shadow is a complex but guaranteed journey back to love. Not just love of another, but love for each and every characteristic that lives within you and within me – a love that allows us to embrace the richness of our humanity and the holiness of our divinity. Having faced our own internal demons, we are filled with peace and compassion in the presence of other people’s dark side. We can forgive and let go of our demeaning judgments and our resentful heart….Exploring our dark side is the gateway to understanding why we do what we do, why we sometimes act in ways that are contrary to the desires of our conscious mind, and why we spend countless hours, days, months or years judging other and holding on to grudges that only bring us headache, heartache and dis-ease. – Deepak Chopra

Every year, in the Fall, when the call to sign up for the Intro to Process Training lands in my inbox, I’ve asked myself if “this year, can I pull it off?” In the past, both time and funds have been short, and my priority has been my children. But each year, since my first Shalom Retreat in the Fall of 2004, I’ve recognized my desire to participate in the Process Training for the main purpose of continuing the rapid pace of person growth since that fateful first retreat.

Leading into the first “Intro” session, I was feeling confident and loving towards myself and working toward balance in self-care, work, and relationships. To thrive in my self-love, I exercise consistently, eat and sleep well and make choices that support my value system, growth and well-being. I journal, meditate and have fun with my friends, family and partner. Much in my life is joyous. My mantra is that I am “brave, joyous and accepting.”

I knew that I would be faced with my own demons and shadow while at the training and yet I wasn’t prepared for falling in love with myself all over again. Once again I learned that what upsets me most about someone else can be an opportunity to look at that very trait in myself (also known as “projection”). And I am open to getting to know myself better with each go around and answering the question “who am I?” at the ego, soul/essence and leadership levels. Bring it on!

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This is the second post in a series that follows the 6-month Intro to Process Training. Check back next month for Francesca’s next installment of what it means to her to participate in the Intro to Process Training at Shalom Mountain.

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The Dual Yearning of the Heart

October 19th, 2012

By Francesca Moscatelli

“When we open our hearts to the wonder of the journey and search through the pain for the truth of our experiences, we begin to glimpse a new light that will guide us deeper into ourselves. There we will meet our whole, undamaged and pristine essential self. In touch with this essential self, we can experience powerful levels of intimacy while engaged in the most ordinary behaviors. This is the promise of undefended intimacy. This is the satisfaction of the longing to love and be loved, directly, immediately and without restriction.” – from the book Undefended Love

Today I am pondering the “dual yearning of the heart”, that longing to be known and to know another on a deep level, with no secrets, no defenses and no need to be anyone but myself. Intrinsically, the deeper we know ourselves; the deeper is our capacity to know another. Here I sit, practicing, practicing and practicing loving with no strings, no attachment to what it might look like, no guarantees or requirements, no need to trust anyone but me. I am succeeding more and more because I know that if I can stay present to all the emotions, even when I feel exposed and excruciatingly vulnerable, I reach that place where I am centered and the feelings of being emotionally disconnected, incomplete or unloved, disappear.

There is no waiting for something to fall into place, for the right circumstance or partner. I am living life one moment at a time, stretching my assumptions and finding the strength within me to face each moment as it comes. Consistently challenged by the events of life, I vow to love with an unguarded heart even when the outcome is uncertain. When I chose love (and it is a choice) and happiness, my interactions are more fulfilling.

I speak my truth, am free to make my own choices and won’t apologize for what I feel, nor for what I want. I continue to be my own best fan and supporter, prior to doing that for someone else. Daily I taking care of me and am true to myself, through whatever feeds my soul. When I am in touch with my deepest sense of well-being, my dedication to stay open comes naturally. My own growth is primordial.

Today, I understand on a completely different level that, in order to achieve the intimacy I desire, I must accept the inevitable distress and dissatisfaction that are part of every relationship, as essential. Without it, I don’t get to look at myself and I don’t get to grow. I am free because I no longer need confirmation, agreement or validation from another to know that I am OK, that I am golden. I am no longer defined by my history.

The connections to others are everywhere, and my friendships are growing ever deeper. The journey continues with the first session of the Introduction to Process training at Shalom Mountain on October 20th. See you on the path!

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“Dual Yearning of the Heart” was originally published in the Shalom Seacoast newsletter.  Click here for more information on Shalom Mountain and its local communities.

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Wisdom School Update

September 24th, 2012

Victoria Myer

 

By Victoria Myer

The Wisdom School at Shalom Mountain is an esoteric mystery school dedicated to transmitting and evolving the deep teachings of the spiritual traditions in service of the continued evolution of a world spirituality that spans and expands the wisdom across spiritual practitioners and religions.  The Wisdom school was co-convened by the Shalom Mountain leadership and Dr. Marc Gafni.  Marc brings an incredible depth of knowledge and wisdom from a lifetime of immersion in the study of the great spiritual traditions, along with continued deep conversation with current thinkers and philosophers of the modern world.  The Dharmic transmission that he brings to the Wisdom School is a process of teaching which brings to the student an understanding and experience of the essential elements of reality and expanded consciousness.  At the Shalom Mountain Wisdom School, he has also coordinated with Shalom leaders to integrate process work into the workshops to ground the teaching experiences.

Shalom Mountain has at the core of our own tradition been a community of seekers ultimately dedicated to the “journey to God”.  The deep personal work done at Shalom is the individual’s doorway to living into one’s unique contribution to the larger evolution of god consciousness in the world.  The commitment to honoring and understanding the sacredness of spirituality and sexuality as a core expression of God has been a place where Shalom has held a leading edge.   The Wisdom School with Marc Gafni, has offered our next step to a much greater level of depth and expansion in evolving our journey to God and evolving our love and expression of the erotic and holy.

Many of the leaders at Shalom Mountain have been part of the core committed members of the Wisdom School and some are also private students of Marc.  As the work has been so transformational at a personal and professional level, Shalom is receiving the benefits of the work being done at the Wisdom School in a wider context.  I recently attended a couples’ retreat in which much of the work was informed by teachings from the Wisdom School.  I was thrilled to experience the couples’ work unfolding at a new level of exploration that transcends gender-based exploration of sexuality and holds the work in the context of an integrated masculine and feminine dance, individually and within relationship.  I felt that once again Shalom has stepped into the next level of consciousness that is arising.   The teachings of the Wisdom School have also touched the Mystic work, the Tantra work, and even the broader context of deepening the Shalom process work .

Marc is the director and Scholar in Residence for the Center for World Spirituality, a think tank which is writing a series of groundbreaking books and creating new templates for spiritual practice, education, and community. An integration of the leading-edge emergent evolutionary insights taught by spirituality, psychology, and the sciences, World Spirituality paves the way for the next stage of spiritual evolution.  The work in the world is focused in three areas: leading-edge scholarship, publications, and programs.    Marc holds the center of the teachings and the organization, working along with a group of respected spiritual teachers, leaders, authors, and activists on the Board and Wisdom Council, who are creating publications, programs and trainings to expand and inform the work of mental health organizations, personal growth organizations and spiritual communities across the world.   Five Shalomers are on the board of CWS.

The Wisdom School at Shalom Mountain is an example of a place where the work of World Spirituality is taking place.  Marc has met 9 times with a growing and committed group of people who are studying and living into the teachings, and in the process actually become the vehicles that are practicing and evolving spirituality.  Marc has also been working with a small group of leaders at Shalom to develop a weekend curriculum that could be offered as a signature retreat of the Wisdom School.  Shalom leaders would lead these retreats for the larger community.  As part of developing an accessible library of the important work that is being done, the audio recordings of Marc’s teaching sessions from around the world are being collected.  All his sessions at Shalom Mountain have been recorded, edited and filed and will be made publicly available.

The Wisdom School at Shalom Mountain is thriving with attendance beyond maximum capacity, personal commitments to living the teachings in the world, development of new programs, and the delight of a group of fellow journeyer’s in the act of transformation from the personal to the cosmic.

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Wow!

June 27th, 2012

By Elizabeth Helen Bullock

How often do you say, heart as wide as the sky, standing in your essence, ‘Wow!”     Here is your chance to say that often and with new notes of delight – the Path of the Mystic on Shalom Mountain begins in one week.  As my beloved friend and founder of Shalom Mountain Jerry Jud says, when mystics get together they sit around and talk and play and say, ‘WOW!’

I love mystics!  Mystics are fun, curious, deep and of course, full of mystery.  My own mystical experiences I trace back to my childhood, often coming through the dreamtime.  An early love and connection with Spirit paved the way for a new exploration of the Divine from the time I saw the words ‘God is Love’ on a sunday school wall.  I explored non-dual consciousness at a young age through a Christian mystical tradition and was drawn to the Mysticism of the East by age 13 – Tibet, China, Japan and then India.

For all my individual, personal transcendent experiences through my life – many ecstatic experiences have been when I am in community with other mystics.

This summer’s Path of the Mystic is this kind of opportunity – whether you consider yourself a mystic or not – whether your language for spirit sounds like quantum physics or the Sufi poets – whether you find mystery in the stones and trees or in a temple – come and join us – you may just find you have extraordinary, unmeditated experiences of the Divine!  Let’s explore our individual and collective part of the fabric of the whole, each fractal part of the hologram – each unique perspective as part of the seamless whole.

From an Introduction to the Upanishads by translator Juan Mascaro:

“Thus the momentous statement is made in the Upanishads that God must not be sought as something far away, separate from us, but rather as the very inmost of us, as the higher Self in us above the limitations of our little self.  In rising to the best in us we rise to the Self in us, to Brahman, to God himself.

According to the Upanishads, the reality of God can only be apprehended in a consciousness of joy that is beyond ordinary consciousness.”

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If this is the time for you to explore and celebrate your own relationship with the Divine, come join us for the Path of the Mystic retreat, July 3-8, 2012 at Shalom Mountain.  To register, call or e-mail:  845-482-5421 or email@shalommountain.com. You can also register online at http://shalommountain.com/wp/contact-us/registration/.  For more information about the Path of the Mystic retreat see our website:  http://shalommountain.com/wp/programs/spiritual-journey/.

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Piercing the Veil of Dogmatic Belief

May 29th, 2012

John Bottone interviewed Tom Goddard to get a glimpse into his emerging leadership for the upcoming Path Of The Mystic retreat in July with Nance McGee.  Tom provided a fascinating history of the significant steps of his personal mystical journey and his perspective of the mystical path at Shalom Mountain.

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John: What are you willing to share in terms of your own mystical journey?

Tom Goddard

Tom: I think the path of the mystic began for me with the recognition that dogma and various belief structures have their limitations, and once you let them fall away, one can actually encounter the sacred directly. This goes back to when I was eleven, and I was living in Turkey, which is almost entirely Muslim;  and a Baptist Sunday School teacher taught that if you are not saved by Jesus Christ, you will go to hell and burn for eternity.  Here I am, surrounded by wonderful people for whom that made no sense.  I went home and asked my mother, “Can this be true?”, and God bless her, she said “No, that’s not true”.   Once I did that, then, all of a sudden, Christianity stopped being a dogma, because I couldn’t interact with it at that level.  I had to interact with it at the level of the Cosmic Christ instead of at the dogmatic Christ.  Since then, it’s been a 4 ½ decade adventure in piercing the veil of dogmatic belief and seeking out the direct experience of what Jewish mystics call “being inside the face of God”.

John: Say more about some of your major turning points, steps or openings.

Tom: I would say a big turning point for me, John, was when I encountered, in my senior year of college, Buddhism for the first time, and particularly, Zen Buddhism, which is that subset of Buddhist thought which rejects dogma.  By the time Zen was created, Buddhism was a thousand years old, and saddled by dogma and meaningless ritual, as any religion can be after a thousand years. The Zen Buddhists came along and said, what we are really interested in is a direct, embodied  encounter with Reality.

John: Is this direct encounter with Reality what is commonly called “Awakening” or “Enlightenment” and what is your perspective on the nature of these very commonly used terms?

Tom: I would say “Enlightenment” is a level of realization of the identity with God, and what I’ve come to realize in my more adult years, quite recently in fact, is that “Enlightenment” has at least a couple of meanings that relate to this relationship with God. The eastern “enlightenment” is about the realization that there is no separation between me and all else; there is no distinction that has any particular meaning between me and God, or between me and you; that it is all seamless. The more recent realization, facilitated certainly by the Unique Self Enlightenment teachings of the Jewish mystics, including Marc Gafni, is that in addition to that, not only is there no separation, but there still can be uniqueness.  I may not be separate from you, but my vantage in the Universe is unique, and is different than yours even though you and I are not separate.  So, for me, “Enlightenment” or “Awakening” is simply awakening to what IS so, and has always BEEN so, that there is no separation, and that I occupy a unique perspective in the Cosmos through which God experiences all else.

John: In my own excitement, I think I jumped ahead of what where we were going, and I’d like to get back to the progression of personal stages you experienced in your mystical path.

Tom: Sure, sure.  Well, I studied and started practicing  from a Zen perspective from my 20’s into my early 30’s, but, truth be told, I was really far more focused on the making of a living, finding a bride, making children, the kind of activities that young people get involved with.  It wasn’t until I was in my mid-thirties that I really re-engaged with the “Great Question” as my Zen teacher often called it.  And it happened that I joined the church of long-time Shalom attendee Robert Close, who had a Presbyterian church in Northern Virginia.  Robert’s Sunday School classes were not at all about teaching dogma, they were about engaging directly in our own embodied experience with the relationship with God.  What I didn’t realize at that time, because I had never been to Shalom Mountain, was how much his work in that Sunday School class was informed by the work we do here (at Shalom).  It was where I first encountered the poetry of David Whyte, Mary Oliver, and Rumi.  It was where I first encountered embodied practice other than sitting on a cushion in a spiritual context.  It involved breath, it involved guided meditation, it involved music, and it was like no other Sunday School class I had ever encountered.  It was also a community experience.  It was a tiny church with only 200 people or families, and 40 people every Sunday would be in Robert’s Sunday School class. We would start with Biblical texts and then move quite easily and immediately to questions that were life transforming like “What is the nature of Love?”, “Who am I in all of this?” and “What is my relationship to God, personally?”.  That was the big turning point.  I recognized in Robert’s class that I was fundamentally a material man with a spiritual life, and that my deepest yearning was to fundamentally be oriented around being a spiritual man who also operates in the material world.  By declaring that to the community, I started a process two decades ago that is still ongoing.

About 8 years ago, there was a lot of turmoil in my personal life that Shalom Mountain seemed perfectly suited to continue my spiritual education, so I shifted my energies to Shalom Mountain.  I continued the bulk of my spiritual practice at Shalom, but not all of it.  I continued with Vyana and Rudy’s Tantric classes, and started diving more deeply into the work of Ken Wilber, which I encountered in my late thirties and early forties.  Getting involved with Wilber and the Integral Community was a big deal because it allowed me to  weave together the Eastern and Western traditions that were by now, deeply in my body and in my practice.  The Integral model helped me to see they were not at war with each other.

John: At what point did you get involved with Genpo Roshi and the Big  Mind work?

Tom: That was part of my immersion in the Integral world.  I was involved in the founding of the Integral Institute 10 years ago, with Ken Wilber and a bunch of other folks, and shortly after that, Genpo Roshi unveiled his advances on voice dialog into the Integral world.  Basically what he did was take Hal and Sidra Stone’s voice dialog work and turn it into a vehicle for transcendence of egoic structures into the unitive, non-dual experience.  What I did was, I found him online, in a series of Integral Institute  sponsored videos doing the process, so I sat down, and wrote down every word he said in leading the Big Mind process, and then I started leading the process myself.  I did it with friends, I did it with a group of Shalom people in the Washington area who started the Community for Spiritual Living (CSL), at a Men’s Gathering with 65 men at Shalom Mountain, and since then I’m done it a whole bunch of times.  And now, I consider it an important part of my practice, an important part when I do counseling, it’s an important tool and I continue to lead what I now call “Boundless Heart” – which is my own now, because I do it my way and not his way. And it is a non-dual experience; it provides an opportunity for a direct experience of unity with the Divine.

John: So where are you now?  What would you say is the nature of your journey present day?

Tom: The big and most recent turn happened 2 years ago.  I first met Marc Gafni several years ago at a conference in Denver that Ken Wilber hosted, and we corresponded sporadically over the intervening years, but I attended his July/August of 2010 Shalom Mountain Wisdom School offering that weekend, and knew by Friday afternoon that the dharma that was unfolding in that weekend was utterly perfect for where I was in my path, and as profound as I’d ever encountered.  By Saturday, I knew I was going to be asking him to take me on as a private student.  By Sunday, which was my 55th birthday, I asked him, and he said, “Yes”, which was as good as a birthday present I could have asked for.  So, I’ve been studying with Marc since September of 2010, and moving into what he is calling Unique Self Enlightenment.  It moves beyond Eastern enlightenment, which realizes we are not separate, and into the deeper reality that says, “Yes, I am not separate, AND the perspective I have is unique”.  The significance is, that as I walk around, I realize I am God having a Tom experience, as Marc might put it.

This is the nature of the unfolding, the nature of the awakening that is present for me in my life currently.  My daily practice is rooted in that orientation of Unique Self Enlightenment, which has a deep Judeo-Christian lineage for me, and I am studying the Kabbalistic  masters from hundreds of years ago.  I am connecting more fully to my own Christian upbringing and integrating all the Eastern, Tantric  and Buddhist learnings over the last 35 years.  And Marc and I are co-authoring a book about practice from this perspective: Unique Self Enlightenment Practice.  So we’re engaged in a deep dive into practices, because that has always been my focus, even back to high school: “What are the practices?”  I am far less interested in the texts and the dogmas. I am far more interested in “What do I need to do?” This is the question I remember back in the 1970’s and it’s now becoming a book we are calling “The World Spirituality Practice Guide” that we hope to publish in 2013.  So that is a lot of the focus of my practice, and a lot of my focus in the world these days.

John: Since you are leading the Path of the Mystic retreat in July with Nance, I have 2 questions for you:

1-      What is the nature of the mystical journey work at Shalom?

2-      What would a participant be entering into on this retreat?  What would that be like?

Tom: The precious gift that Shalom Mountain offers which is perfectly suited to mystical exploration is that Shalom has a fundamental structure built around love, and a clear understanding of the Skills and Principles of Loving. It is my belief that the mystical journey is really the journey of the evolutionary lover:  how can I learn how to love and to know my identity AS love more completely?  The fundamental, even psychological underpinnings of Shalom as a structure for fostering the evolution of love is perfectly suited for mystical work.

Another fundamental orienting principle around Shalom that works beautifully in concert with mystical retreat is its emphasis on embodied process.  We are a process oriented community, we don’t do lectures!  What we create is opportunities for people to step into their bodies; step into the energy of their lives, and learn about themselves.  That is ultimately, as Robert Close once said, it’s all a question of identity, and we’re not going to get our identity from someone telling us how things are.  We’re going to discover our true identity, our true selves, by experiencing ourselves in our fullness, in our full glory.  And, of course, that’s what this community has been doing for years in both mystical and non-mystical retreats.

The distinction between the mystical retreats and the more psychological retreats, which have profound importance – it’s very difficult to do the mystical work if you’re still crippled by psychological wounding that you haven’t dealt with.  But the distinction (between the two) seems to me to be the focus.  The mystical retreats really do start to focus on the question of “Who am I?” and “Who am I in relationship to God?”, or for those who are uncomfortable with the word “God”,  “Who am I in relationship to this Cosmos, this Universe in which I live?”

In terms of my own leadership, what I have always strived to lead has always been entirely mystic retreats, whether it has been Integral Intensives, more recently with my work with Jerry Jud in the 2011 Science and Mysticism retreat, or at the Men’s Gathering.

John: What would you say to someone who might be reading this and is curious about the Path of the Mystic retreat, to entice them to come?

Tom: Like so much of the work at Shalom, it is open to everybody, and not for everybody.  I’ll tell you who this is for.  This is for those who feel a deep call to an intimate relationship with God which is still in the flavor of yearning … I want more of this … have tasted the sweetness of what it is to be alive, and want to go further into that sweetness, and are not quite sure how to do that.  For people who experience the yearning to live their life with “juice”; with juice and ease; that being alive can be like tasting the most glorious meal, or hearing the most glorious music you can hear.  This is a laboratory for exploring yourself in relationship to God.

John: Beautiful… wonderful.   Thank you, so much Tom.

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For more information or to register for the Path of the Mystic retreat, July 3-8, 2012, call or e-mail Shalom Mountain:  845-482-5421 or email@shalommountain.com  You may also register at our online registration page.


Tom Goddard has been a member of the Shalom Community since 1997, and co-leads the Men’s Gathering, the Path of the Mystic, and retreats on consciousness at Shalom Mountain. He serves as Director of Land Use and Development of Shalom Mountain. Tom is the CEO of The Integral Company and Integral Healthcare Solutions. Tom is a Vice President of the Center for World Spirituality. He received his doctorate in psychology from George Mason University and his law degree from the University of Arizona.

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What’s So Great About Respectful Confrontation?

May 29th, 2012

Tom Goddard

By Tom Goddard

I’ve been reflecting on the upcoming retreat to be held at Shalom Mountain May 31-June 3, Respectful Confrontation, led by Joe Weston.

My experience with Joe’s work goes back about four years, when I served on what was then called the Shalom Leadership Council. Joe led twenty of us in short, powerful retreats that changed the way we worked together.

The profound work we did in those brief workshops was so amazing that my friend of 20+ years, Barbara Wrigley, and I set about bringing Joe to the Washington DC area where we lived. We wanted everyone we knew to have the benefit of Joe’s remarkable teaching.

What’s so great about Respectful Confrontation? Don’t we loving people want to avoid confrontation?

As it turns out, there’s the problem. Most folks confuse confrontation with conflict, and, as a result, cut off important opportunities for vulnerability and intimacy, the very things we want most. (Remember, “more than anything else, we want to love and be loved,” as the sign on the wall of the Shalom Room reminds us).

At the risk of oversimplifying a profound distinction that emerges when one engages Joe’s model, while conflict is interpersonal clashing with the intent of disempowering the other, confrontation is actually an act of deep vulnerability and openness that, when done with skill and motivated by love, is designed to create the very intimacy we seek.

Huh? How can this be so?

Exactly. This is a stunning teaching. It counters much of our upbringing, our cultural context, and even our understanding of our own language. And yet, what we learned at Shalom Mountain four years ago was that we veterans of the Skills and Principles of Loving had much to learn about how to be open and vulnerable with one another.

Joe’s work fits seamlessly into Shalom Mountain’s body-centered process approach. Using only a modest amount of didactic teaching to help build the Respectful Confrontation framework, Joe teaches through the body. In one exercise after another, we learned deep lessons that help us avoid conflict and encourage the loving act of vulnerability called confrontation. In the more advanced teachings, we learned how to deal with other people in our life who seem hell-bent on conflict, not confrontation.

Undergirding all this teaching is Joe’s teachings about the Four Pillars of True Power. It is from a place of grounding, focus, strength, and flexibility that we can encounter our fellow human beings with clarity and stability that allows us the freedom to be vulnerable, express our needs, and withstand the thunderstorms of interpersonal interaction.

In my life, the value of Joe’s teachings have been plentiful. Both in intimate personal relationships and in relationships with clients across the globe, my capacity to come from my center with love and compassion has grown enormously. I still have much to learn, and will continue to study and practice Joe’s teachings in Respectful Confrontation.

I hope to see you here at Shalom this week for Joe’s workshop!

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To register for the upcoming Respectful Confrontation retreat, May 31-June 3, 2012 at Shalom Mountain, call or e-mail the mountain at 845-482-5421 or email@shalommountain.com.  You can also register at the Shalom Mountain website.

Tom Goddard has been a member of the Shalom Community since 1997, and co-leads the Men’s Gathering, the Path of the Mystic, and retreats on consciousness at Shalom Mountain. He serves as Director of Land Use and Development of Shalom Mountain. Tom is the CEO of The Integral Company and Integral Healthcare Solutions. Tom is a Vice President of the Center for World Spirituality. He received his doctorate in psychology from George Mason University and his law degree from the University of Arizona.


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Women’s Festival: Laughter, Learning, Renewal

May 28th, 2012

Jacqui Bishop

By Jacqui Bishop

My first Women’s Festival was in 1993. I’ve made it to almost every one since (and I’m not missing 2012 either). Every time I’ve had to come a day late or leave early, I promise myself the next year I won’t do that again. It’s just too cool not to be there. On my first Women’s Festival, there were over 80 of us, all ages. One family had four generations, including Great Grandma who was an exquisite little woman with white hair that she could almost sit on.  Her daughter and granddaughter and great granddaughter were all there, following her. Following her because as we welcomed summer in, she was at the head of the procession as the Corn Maiden, complete with a graceful diadem and a full stalk of corn.

The next scene that comes to mind is the weekend’s art project. An art goddess had come from Canada with blank white silk scarves and fabric paints, all of which were housed under an open tent and available all weekend for any of us to work on at any time. We were invited to paint as many scarves as we liked. There I was, my design spreading blue, red, and white under my brush and realizing I had completely lost focus on my own scarf and was totally engrossed in my neighbor’s design—one beautiful subtle green leaf after another until the tree of life covered the entire scarf. I couldn’t take my eyes off it, and before I knew it I had a new friend. She was the mother of the very hot young man I had been on a retreat with the preceding month. No surprise there. We are still fast friends almost 20 years later, having shared a women’s group for 6 years and countless happy meals. “I still have the scarf I made,” someone said at a recent meeting. “It was such a precious time.” The Women’s Festival is a place to make lifelong friends without a doubt.

Other pictures come to mind: I remember the talent shows: voices that could have issued from a concert on the radio. The willowy red-headed Canadian medical student whose offering was a dramatic piece, the speaking as a developmentally challenged child rising up beyond her circumstances to fully love and accept herself. The amazing karate demonstration. The comedy routines.. And the music!  The menstrual singers. An original song about her mother by Meg. The annual theme song from the Pennsylvania couple who harmonized their way through belly-laughing and touching original songs. I wish I had those on tape! These days I preside over the talent show, but really, it’s like surfing—effortlessly riding the wave of the brave, beautiful, unexpected, comical, touching, deep offerings of those who generously put themselves out there.

I remember the incredible array of workshops for all ages—everything from handling menopause to hula and belly-dancing lessons, to doll-making, to radical gratitude, to self defense, to women’s anatomy. And no retrospective would be complete without mentioning Tub, Scrub & Rub or the slip process, flowers in our hair, sarongs, tears, and laughter.

Today the girls who were small when I started attending the Festival are in college or even graduating. Another generation of women whose move into adulthood was marked and celebrated on the Mountain are stepping up to create the 2012 Festival.

So when I sign up for the Women’s Festival each year, I bring all this with me every time, layers of the years of laughter and learning. And if my busy schedule tries to intrude, I remember the inevitable opening that occurs for me once I arrive: The Women’s Festival is the place to be for me that weekend. Any apparent inconvenience just flows into the richness of the time together. Come join in, whether you’re new or seasoned—it’s never dull, always fresh, you’ll leave feeling grateful and deeply renewed.

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The Woman’s Festival at Shalom Mountain is an annual event providing the opportunity to create lasting bonds with other women.  The 2012 Women’s Festival is June 14-17 at Shalom Mountain. For more information or to register, call or e-mail:  845-482-5421 or email@shalommountain.com.  You can also register online at http://shalommountain.com/wp/contact-us/registration/.

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Holy Unknown

January 23rd, 2012

Roger Cramer

by Roger Cramer

I came to Shalom Mountain in shambles, locked into work and expectations that totally exhausted me each day.  If there was a key to get out of this prison, I had no idea where to find it.  The therapist who suggested I go to a Shalom Retreat said that the work I would do and experience at the Mountain would be the equivalent of 100 hours of talk therapy.  It would spring me forward in my spiritual and emotional journey.  The thought of it scared me to death, – and yet, and yet what alternatives did I have?  This dark cave of apprehension coupled with the urge to spring forth reminded me of Anais Nin’s words “And then the day came/when the risk to remain/tight in the bud was/more painful than the/risk of blooming.”

That was 12 years ago.  And since, I have found the community and work of Shalom Mountain to be a delicious, deeply loving springboard into a new and creative life.  The community that gathers at a Shalom Retreat or a Winter Mystic, or a Men’s or Women’s Gathering is profoundly supportive, loving and challenging.  The processes used in the service of healthy life are stimulating and eye-opening, the leaders are charismatic and yet genuinely personal.  Each gathering seems to be a labyrinth of energy in which the whirlwind of Spirit moves in daring ways and people come alive to their own essence in ways that are almost beyond imagining.  It’s an amazing journey of self-discovery and self-love, where individuals and couples learn to honor themselves and find joy in the love of others.

One dimension of Shalom Mountain work that has been powerful for me over these 12 years is the Mystic Retreats, – Mid-Winter and Summer.  I came to the Mountain feeling constrained by elements in my faith that did not seem to match both the Light and the Doubt that I was experiencing within.  How could I give up beliefs, then crumbling, which had anchored me for so long, and been the legacy of my family, and yet were slipping away?  What I experienced on the Mystic Retreats was permission to explore new expressions of the spiritual life, learn from other wise journeyers, dance my spirit rather than think it all the time, dive deep into the Holy Unknown, find comfort in the loving embrace of community.  It has made all the difference in how my spirit grows today.

This next weekend, January 26-29, Nance McGee and I will lead a new Mid-Winter Mystic Retreat entitled “Gloriously made, yet stumbling toward home.”  It will be another rich opportunity to plumb the depths of Spirit and Joy in our lives.  Give a call, and come and join us.  At the Mountain the daring dance with God is like bread for the feeding of all who care to gather.

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Roger Cramer is an Episcopal priest, in retirement, living in the wild lands of his life’s transitions. A self-professed Mystic wannabe, for more than 30 years Roger has led spiritual processes and rituals, has been a spiritual director to many people, writes poetry as well as being a talented studio potter by avocation. Roger is a long time member of the Mystics community at Shalom Mountain and is delighted to continue to participate in this community through his leadership.

For more information or to register for the Mid-Winter Mystic (Jan 26-29, 2012) or Path of the Mystic (July 3-8, 2012) retreats, call or e-mail Shalom Mountain:  845-482-5421 or email@shalommountain.com.

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